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I whisper 'what the fuck' to myself at least 20 times a day. # C-612
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Going away for the weekend . Need about 4 outfits. Packed about 20 'just in case'. C-820 #C-809
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I'm a woman. What's your superpower? # C-613
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Dorothy and Cinderella. Two words that prove a pair of shoes can change your life # C-603
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Fuckity, f**k, f**k, f**k! #C-610
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Brunch was invented so we could drink champagne at breakfast!. # C-604
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I really want to go camping this summer. Pref in a hotel. With a pool. Room service. And a spa! #C-284
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Remember kids, no running, no diving and no salt on my margarita... #C-187
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WTF! #C-740
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A wise woman once said "Fuck this shit" and lived happily ever after. # C-476
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The only thing I throwback on a Thursday is a margarita! #C-356
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We've been friends for so long that I can't remember which one of us is the bad influence! #C-681
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YES! You remembered the tequila! #C-680
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In California...we salt margaritas, not sidewalks! #C-602
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I drink wine because my therapist said I shouldn't keep things bottled up! #C-687
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You know me...busy, busy, busy! #C-598
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Always love a woman for her personality. They have about 6, so you can choose. C-342
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Coffee is my spirit animal! #C-662
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My alone time is for everyone's safety! #C-617
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The only thing worse than parallel parking... is a witness. #C-416
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I need a nap. Or an umbrella drink. I can't decide which. #C-255
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I'm a believer in peace and love (but I say fuck a lot) #C -554
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I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary. #C-363
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She marches to her own drama. #C-698
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Although I can party like a rockstar...it would appear that I cannot recover like one. #C-256
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If you can fold a fitted sheet you are obviously a witch #C-294
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We're best friends, because let's face it, you know too much! #C-406
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I wish my life had background music so I could tell what the hell is going on! #C-332
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Tonight's forecast...99% chance of cocktails! #C-400
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I like to take baths because it's harder to drink wine in the shower #C-457
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I have an irrational fear of wasting a great outfit on an insignificant day #C-301
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Fuck! #C-468
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Girlfriend, you were using the flashlight on your ph to find your ph #C-458
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I'm drinking my green juice and listening to a podcast on the beach after doing yoga and going to the farmer's market. What are you doing?. # C-539
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Reality called...so I hung up. # C-308
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I don't stalk. I investigate. #C-464
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I really like protesting. I'm standing up for what I believe in AND getting my 10,000 steps in. It's a win-win! # C-614
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Mercury is in fucking retrograde again! #C-454
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We're not gossiping. We're networking! # C-563
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I'm still hot! It just comes in flashes now!. # C-583
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Wow...that was rather inappropriate! No wonder we're such good friends. #C-506
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I overpacked? Don't worry. That's why suitcases have wheels. #C-300
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Remember, life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk! #C-325
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I love hanging out with people who make me forget to look at my phone. #C-305
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I am a domestic goddess, sans the domestic part #C-293
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Dear Stress, let's break up #C-221
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Not all men annoy us. Some men are gay. #C-315
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A clean house is a sign that your internet is down! #C-310
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I'm not crazy. I'm creative. #C-694
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SAVE THE EARTH! It's the only planet that has chocolate! #C-736
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My life has a great cast! I just need to figure out the plot. #C-714
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I still think 1990 was 10 years ago! #C-577
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GET (sh)IT DONE. #C- 546
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Does running away from your responsibilities count as exercise? #C-331
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You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers. #C-601
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'Tell them I'm in a meeting! I'll call them back' # C-548
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Darling, life is so damn short so for fuck's sake do what makes you happy! #C-309
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Fucking Brilliant! # C- 500
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Oops...I bought champagne instead of milk again! #C-297
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When I say "I like this group photo of us" I really mean"I like how I look in this group photo!" #C-318
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Divorce - End of an Error #C-319
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I see these moms who can do everything and I think...I should have them do some stuff for me! #C-417
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Why do they want dinner EVERY single night? #C-169
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Do what you f**king love! # C-616
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What do you mean I'm only allowed ONE check-on bag? #C-683
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If you're not supposed to snack at midnight why is there a light in the fridge? #C-600
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My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. # C-352
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Men: proudly refusing to look at directions since 1952 #C-597
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A true friend...always uses the instagram filter that flatters you the most! #C-567
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My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do #C-352
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I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary. # C-363
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It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. There is clearly room for more wine!. # C-362
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The awkward moment when you realize they weren't waving at you! # C-306
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She marches to her own drama. #C-698
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Cocktails tonight? #C-582
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Home is...where you totally understand how the shower works! #C-447
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That feeling you get when you leave the barista a really good tip and they turn around and don't see you do it! #C-579
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Dear Weekend, I like you, love me #C-545
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...but first...coffee! #C-573
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How we used to block calls! #C-702
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I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday! #C-307
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I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning. Just not as it applies to me. #C-324
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I've used up all my favorite baby names on my cats! #C-316
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Turning the music down when you're looking for an address so you can see better! #C-605
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Beware of the dog. The cat is shady as fuck also. #C-193
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Did someone say happy hour? #C-599
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NO SELFie CONTROL #C-734
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I used to wonder what it was like to read other people's minds. Then I got Facebook and now I'm over it.... #C-253
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There is no shame in emotional shopping (It's called retail therapy) #C-776
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